dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
