do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
