I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
