You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
