So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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