Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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