Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
