I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
