Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
