it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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