dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
