and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
