I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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