Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
