he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
