it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
