Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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