Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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