Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
