it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
