I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
