my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
