Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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