she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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