So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
