Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
