maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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