About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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