Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
