There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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