i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
