Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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