He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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