how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
