god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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