dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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