That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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