I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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