dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
