My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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