i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
