whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
