I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
