And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've blown a few things in my day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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