i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
