It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
