I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table