An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.