so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.