So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.