Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize