apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
