I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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