Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
