I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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