Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
