i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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