Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
