I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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