At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He better not be in your backpack
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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